After the final day of swimming and tennis at the sports club we’re dropping, I took my kids to an open house in San Francisco. My wife was on a mom’s trip to Napa and I wanted to keep introducing my children to real estate. Maybe they might take a professional interest in it one day.
The open house visit did not go the way I expected. It was a jarring real estate experience, but one I’m thankful for, because it was a great lesson to give my children about how to treat people.
We arrived at this five bedroom, four bathroom, 3,477 square foot home on the south-western side of San Francisco listed at $3,995,000. It was 3:53pm, seven minutes before the posted open house close time. My kids, tired from a long day of activity, sat down on the living room furniture to take it in, quietly.
Almost immediately, the real estate agent, let’s call her Nancy (not the main listing agent), told them not to sit there. I was surprised, as no agent has ever said don’t sit on the furniture before. I’ve sold two houses, one with staged furniture, and it’s not a big deal as I want prospective buyers to soak things in, which includes sitting on the couch and imagining what it would be like.
So I asked the kids to stand up. Kids can be energetic. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but was not pleased.
Then, she looked at us and said: “Shoo shoo, I’m closing up and don’t want you to delay me.”
WTF?
I do not know what Nancy saw when we walked in. I am aware that people like me are not always welcome in spaces like this. Maybe we looked too poor to walk into a house like this given we pulled up in an 11-year old car and wore athletic clothes after tennis. But what I do know is that my children and I deserved basic respect, and we did not get it.
What An Arrogant Real Estate Agent
Shoo shoo.
I have been to more open houses than I can count over the past 26 years. I have never, in any market, in any neighborhood, heard a real estate agent speak to a prospective buyer that way.
The standard, the absolute baseline of the profession, is to make visitors feel welcome. You say take your time and have a look around. You offer a card, a smile, a question about what they are looking for. That is the job. At minimum, you let people stay until the posted closing time without treating them like they are a nuisance.
Instead, we were shooed. Like pigeons. Like unwanted pests. Amazing.
Here is what I think is going on.
Easy To Get Lazy And Dismissive When The Real Estate Market Is Strong
San Francisco’s real estate market is strong right now, in large part due to the AI boom. Inventory is tight, demand is high, and sellers are often fielding multiple offers. In that environment, a certain type of listing agent starts to behave less like a service professional and more like a gatekeeper.
They forget, or perhaps never really understood, that their job is to sell the home. To do that, you need buyers. And to attract buyers, you need to make them feel good about the property and about the experience of walking through it. You do not achieve that by making a father and his children feel like they wandered into the wrong place.
This kind of attitude is not just unpleasant. It is bad business. It is a failure at the most fundamental level of the job.
A listing agent, rightly or wrong, is an extension of the seller. Get the wrong one, and not only does the listing agent look bad, but so does the seller.
Seller’s Are Paying A Lot In Commission
Let me be specific about what “bad business” means here. This home is listed at $3,995,000. At a standard commission of 2-3% for the listing agent, that transaction is worth somewhere in the neighborhood of $79,900 to $119,850 in fees. For that kind of money, the seller deserves an agent who is doing everything in her power to make every single visitor fall in love with the home.
The open house I attended had nobody else in it. In a market that is supposed to be strong, a nearly four million dollar home sat empty at 4pm on a weekend, and the one family that did show up was told to shoo.
That is not a strong market problem. That is a representation problem. We were at another open house two blocks away at 3:45 pm, 60 Mercedes Way, which is a complete fixer and there were plenty of people.
This matters even more now given what the industry has been through. The NAR price-fixing lawsuit and its subsequent settlement forced a long-overdue national conversation about what real estate agents actually provide in exchange for their commissions.
For years, the standard commission structure was defended on the grounds that agents deliver expertise, access, and service. Buyers and sellers are now asking those questions more directly than ever before. When an agent behaves the way Pattie did, she is not just being rude. She is actively making the case that her commission is unjustified.
Who is going to buy the house when the listing agent makes you feel like crap? Nobody.
Because of that interaction. No amount of square footage or updated finishes is worth transacting to someone who spoke to my family that way. And I imagine I am not the only person who walked out of that open house feeling the same.
For the Seller of The House: What You Should Know
If I were the seller of this home, I would be appalled, unless I personally instructed my agent to exclude certain types of people. If every buyer who walks out of an open house feels dismissed, belittled, or unwelcome, then I can forget about receiving an offer. That’s costly.
In a market where perception drives price, and where a home already priced at nearly four million dollars needs every advantage it can get, an agent with a bad attitude is not a neutral presence. She is actively working against the seller’s financial interest.
For anyone preparing to sell a home, especially in a high-value market like San Francisco where your property may be the single largest asset you will ever own, here is what I urge you to do before signing a listing agreement.
Things To Do Before Hiring A Real Estate Agent
First, examine the agent’s track record in detail, not just the volume of sales but the quality of outcomes. Did homes sell at or above asking price? How long did they sit on the market? Were there price reductions? An agent can have a long career and a full roster of past sales while consistently underperforming for sellers. Sales volume tells you how busy someone is. The specifics tell you how good they are.
Second, ask for references, and then go beyond them. Do not accept only the names the agent hand-selects. Look up recent transactions independently through public records or listing history on Redfin or Zillow and reach out to at least three sellers who worked with the agent in the last year or two.
Ask them directly: how did the open houses go? Do you always show up, or do you farm out the responsibility to someone else? Did buyers seem engaged and welcomed? Did the agent communicate with you consistently throughout the process? Were there any surprises? You will learn far more from those conversations than from any marketing deck or agent bio.
Third, visit one of the agent’s active open houses yourself before hiring them. Go unannounced. Observe how they treat people who walk through the door. Are they engaged, knowledgeable, and warm? Or are they watching the clock and treating visitors like an inconvenience? What you see in that open house is exactly what your buyers will experience. It is a direct preview of the service your listing will receive.
Fourth, understand what you are paying for and hold the agent to a standard that justifies it. A listing commission on a San Francisco home priced near four million dollars is not a small sum. It is money that could fund a child’s education, pay off debt, or change a family’s financial trajectory. The person receiving that commission should approach every single showing, every open house, and every interaction with a buyer as if their professional life depends on it. Because in a meaningful sense, it does.
What I Told My Kids on the Drive Home
The way you treat people, especially people you perceive to have less power or status than you, is a direct reflection of your character. Learn to treat everyone with kindness, no matter what they look like or who they are. It’s not easy, given we all have our biases, but we must try.
In my culture, we believe that the greater your good fortune, the more humble you should be. Success is not a license to look down on others. It is an obligation to be more gracious, more generous, and more mindful of how you carry yourself. A hot real estate market does not make anyone important. Markets change. Reputations do not.
I also told my kids that what they witnessed today was a professional failing at her job in real time. She had one task: to make people want to buy that home. She did the opposite. Whatever she earned in commission on past sales, she provided negative value today. Showing up is not enough. How you show up is everything.
To the real estate agents reading this, please hear this. The families walking through your open houses on a weekend afternoon are not inconveniences. They are your clients, your future referrals, and sometimes the exact buyer your seller desperately needs. Treat them accordingly.
Don’t judge people by how they look, especially if they are polite. Some of the most plain looking people may also be the most resourceful.
The market will not always be this forgiving of poor service. And even when it is, there is never an excuse for making a prospective client, let alone a child, feel unwelcome.
Professionalism is not complicated. You welcome people. You let them stay until closing time, maybe even a few minutes after. That is the floor, not the ceiling.
That day at the open house, we did not even get the floor.
Readers, have you ever encountered an arrogant real estate listing agent? What happened, and why do you think they behave that way when their entire job is to make prospective buyers feel welcome and sell the property? I would love to hear your stories in the comments.
Update: That day, I emailed the main listing agent, who wasn’t there, and he forwarded my feedback to the showing agent. She later emailed me on Monday to apologize, explaining her mind was distracted by some personal matters. She even offered to meet me at my house and represent me if I didn’t already have an agent. I declined. But because of her apology, I’ve removed her name and the open house address. Everybody has a bad day.
Invest In Real Estate Passively
Investing in physical real estate is easier when you are young. But as you get older, your tolerance for arrogant listing agents, bidding wars, and remodeling headaches declines. At some point, you start preferring to let professionals handle it.
Fundrise makes it possible for anyone to invest in a diversified portfolio of private real estate with as little as $10. While I was getting shooed out of an open house today, Fundrise investors were quietly earning returns on institutional-quality real estate deals they never had to visit, negotiate, or manage. You put in the money. Fundrise does the rest. You focus on what actually matters.
Today reminded me that the traditional path to real estate wealth comes with friction I no longer want. Overpriced gatekeepers included.
As always, investing involves risk and past performance is not a guarantee of future results. Fundrise is a long-time sponsor of Financial Samurai, and Financial Samurai is an investor in Fundrise products.
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